Category Archives: Blog

To quckie or not to quickie….that is the question!

Let’s face it, when life is hectic and down time seems like a thing of the past, a quickie can be exactly what we need to connect with our partner and keep going. I’m not saying quickies should be the main type of sex you have. Nothing will replace a long, drawn out, meaningful sex romp with your lover but it can be something to satisfy your craving until you have more time to spend pleasing each other or enough to satisfy your craving for the moment. When we think of quickies we typically think its for the male partner, but women can and do enjoy quickies as well, if they are done with her pleasure in mind.

Need a little more convincing? Let’s look at the pros of having one and the few cons that might make you wary.

Pro #1: Great when you are running late in the morning, have plans in the evening or are feeling frisky in a social place.giphy 13

We’ve all had those mornings when we have hit snooze one too many times and only have 30 minutes to get showered and ready before work. But you can feel your partner’s raging hard-on so really all you have to do it mount him (consensually of course). Getting ready to go out for the night and catch your partner coming out of the shower with water dripping down their body is a hot view. Maybe you only have 5-10 minutes to spare before you have to get ready to go. Perfect time for a quicky! Or it’s later that night and a few drinks in you start feeling frisky and can’t wait to get your partner to yourself. Slipping away to a secluded place for a few minutes of passion can make for a memorable evening. As Austin Powers famously put it, “Yeah, baby! Yeah!”

Pro #2: Build connection and intimacy with a partnergiphy 12

Sex releases a bunch of different hormones like prolactin, endorphins, epinephrine, serotonin and oxytocin. Oxytocin is the “love or bonding” hormone that helps build a bond and connection with your partner. No better way to get close to your partner than sex. Bring on the feel good hormones.

Pro #3: If you are out in public, the idea of getting caught is thrillinggiphy 11

Getting caught with your pants down is a top fantasy among many couples. The good thing about quickies are, well frankly, that they are quick so the chances of getting caught are a lot lower. However the idea of getting caught is super hot but actually being caught is a different story so be careful where you decide to get busy. Maybe its in the kitchen before dinner, joining them in the shower before work, getting it on in a change room, the back row at a movie theatre, you get the idea. Let the creative juices (amoung the other ones) start flowing!

 Pro #4: Regular sex has a bevy of benefitsgiphy 10

Sex not only makes you feel closer to your partner but it has a ton of physical health benefits as well. Not like we needed more than one reason. Am I right? Some of the perks include better sleep, better overall heart health, it acts as a pain reliever, reduces stress, improves immunity and a gives you a youthful glow (hello fountain of youth). Now you have a lot of reasons to get it on more often. Go ahead, what are you waiting for?

Pro #5: Variety is the spice of lifegiphy 8

Switching things up to the ol’ routine keeps things interesting and keeps your sex life out of a rut. Quickies are great because its the need to have your partner “right here, right now” wherever that may be. Because quickies can be spontaneous and when time isn’t on your side it forces you to be creative with the positions you try and locations in and outside of the house.

Pro #6: Quickie sex is better than no sexgiphy 7

Busy lives mean less time for sex and intimacy with a partner. Although quick sex isn’t a substitute for longer sessions where you can take your time and be romantic, 5 minute sex is better than putting off sex for when you have more time to dedicate which (let’s be honest), can get pushed back.  Studies show that the more sex you have, the more you want it. Not only do you get some instant gratification from a quickie, you also build your relationship too.

Pro #7: Ego boostergify rabbits

Sometimes women can get in their head if they have a partner that doesn’t come. Are we not pretty enough? Do they not think I have a hot body? Is my partner not attracted to me? Quickies are a great way for a little ego boost for you to know that your partner finds you so hot they can’t contain themselves and explode in a few short minutes. Feeling desired by your partner who has to “have you right then and there” is a huge turn on.

Pro #8: You don’t have to get completely undressedgiphy 5

Quickies can and sometimes need to be done quick. Whether you are short on time or doing it in public, getting completely naked might not always be an option. Keeping some or all of your clothes on can be hot. I swear that’s why someone invented skirts and dresses – easy access! Knowing your partner can’t wait to have you so they pull your panties to the side or only gets your pants down far enough to expose your rock hard member is incredibly sexy.

Pro #9: Can help a man last longergiphy 4

A short romp can be the opening act before the main event. Many men masturbate before a date or earlier in the day before a big night ahead in order to help them last longer. A quickie can work the same way. This benefits a women by giving her more time to satisfy her needs and close the orgasm gap that so many couples face.

Con #1: Many women wont reach orgasmgiphy 3

Men get aroused in 2 minutes but women take 20 minutes to be fully aroused. Quckie’s typically don’t give women enough time to get turned to reach the big O. What can you do to help ensure she gets close if not all the way there? The brain is biggest sex organ so getting her mentally aroused will help the body respond. Send a sexy text, something as simple as, “I’ve been thinking about you all day. I can’t wait to get home and get my hands on you before we go to dinner.” The anticipation will help build arousal ahead of time. Approximately 70% of women need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm so make sure you are paying close attention to that pleasure packed centre during sex but especially during a quickie. Do positions that ensure clitoral stimulation such as women on top where she can control the penetration and thrusting. Doggy-style or from behind is a great way for her or her partner to stimulate her clit with either a finger or toy. Even if both parties don’t orgasm (unfortunately it will most likely be the women) orgasm should never be the goal of sex. Enjoy the ride and stop focusing only on the destination.

Con #2: Not enough lubricationgiphy 2

Without enough time to get fully aroused, most women will need lubrication. Not only does lube make sex feel better, it is particularly useful during quickies to ensure anything penetrating her goes in smoothly and doesn’t cause any damage or pain. If you don’t have any lube on hand spend a few minutes going down on her and using your tongue and mouth to get her juices flowing and wet her vagina for penetration.

With more than twice as many pros to having a quickie than cons, you can choose a different reason every time! Quick sex doesn’t have to mean less satisfying. If its done correctly a quickie can be a creative, spontaneous addition to your regular repertoire. If you only have 5 or 10 minutes to get busy, don’t waste it. To ensure you and your partner get the most out of your short time make sure you pay attention to the nerve packed clitoris, use lube and enjoy the ride!

giphy 1

note: all pics from giphy.com

Blowjob 101 Infographic

Fellatio, known commonly as a blowjob (amongst other names!) can form part of an intimate relationship and is a great way to show your love and affection for a partner. Men for the most part find the act of receiving fellatio immensely enjoyable and are likely to be able to tell a ‘good’ blowjob from a ‘bad’ blowjob.

Being new to the act of giving fellatio isn’t something to be ashamed of as many women might not have felt close enough to a partner to proceed to this intimate act. Inexperience can be endearing and any lack of knowledge or technique can be learned. It can even help to advance communication with a partner as they intimate what elements of the ‘job’ they really like. Some men might prefer a licking motion, some might like a harder sucking feeling and so on; take the time to discuss it and it will progress better for you both.

This infographic from Carvaka Adult Toys highlights what makes a good blowjob and tips and techniques on how to achieve it. Work through these tips with a partner, it will add to the fun! It also gives details about how different foods can impact on the taste of semen and also how understanding the male anatomy will help your technique even further. Check it out below!

BJ info graph

World AIDS Day

Today, December 1, is World AIDS Day which is dedicated for people around the globe to commemorate those who have passed on and to raise awareness about AIDS and the global spread of the HIV virus.

Globally there are over 35 million people who have the virus. Despite the myth that it only happens to gay men, heterosexual men, straight women, children and babies are all and can be infected with the virus. Many of those infected do not know they have HIV. The stigma, shame and discrimination deter many from getting testing, accessing health care or protecting themselves from passing it on. With medical advances, having AIDS is no longer a fatal diagnosis but a chronic disease.

Here is a great (and short) video by ASAP Science that explains how HIV/AIDS affects the body, the treatments and where the future of AIDS is headed. Do your part to educate yourself, spread awareness and reducing the stigma associated by those affected.

For more information you can check out the World AIDS Day website and Catie: Canada’s Source for HIV and Hepatitis C information.

Halloween tricks and tips to spice up the bedroom

I love Halloween! What’s not to like? As a kid you got to dress up, stay up late and go door to door and get free candy!! Its the only time you are permitted to take candy from strangers haha. As adults you get to dress up and go out and celebrate. There is something about dressing up at parties that instantly make it more fun. It also happens to be the only time you can dress in sexy costumes and go out in public without people slut shaming you because everyone is dressing up as well.

Did you know the day after Halloween is the best time to get cheap sexy outfits for your sexual role-play?!  Don’t let your costumes collect dust all year round. You can use your halloween props and outfits to spice up your sex life. Dressing up allows you to be someone else and gives you a boost of confidence especially if you dress in something sexy. If its not something you do regularly its a novelty that increases the dopamine in your brain. More dopamine=better sex!

Halloween is a great way to explore your fantasies and finding the perfect outfit can make this a reality! Where is the best place to bring up this talk? Anywhere but the bedroom. While you are having breakfast, carpooling to work or via text message. Talk about fantasies, desires and wants in a neutral, pressure free zone where you wont feel the need to act on it at that moment. Ask your partner(s) what you like and listen to what each person has to say. Not sure how to start the convo? Say something like, “you know what would be really hot? If I dressed up as a nurse and you were my patient” or “If I dressed up as a doctor and you were my nurse” or whatever the scenario if that you want to act out. Talking about what you want in bed can be one of the hardest things for people to do. Never judge something your partner discloses to you. No one likes to get shut down so if your partner reveals something they are interested in, do your best to be be supportive. I am not saying you have to be down with everything they want to try but this is a great time to discuss what you are/aren’t comfortable with. Encourage each other to open up and you will both enjoy the experience more.

More dopamine=better sex!

Not only is Halloween a goldmine for getting sexy outfits, its also a great time to get sex props. A few of the them include; sexy stockings. Lots of folks get turned on by fishnets but have you ever tried using them to tie your partners hands? What about wrapping them around your partners shaft for added friction or pulling it taught and gently running it over their clitoris? Something new to try with stockings you might not have thought about. Another great prop are wigs. What better halloween prop to give you a new personality. Maybe you always wanted to see if blondes really do have more fun, or maybe you are a natural blonde and want to take a walk-on the dark side but don’t want to commit. Get a wig and play out your fantasy for a night and step into a new role. And finally, try a sexy mask. It’s the next closest thing to a blindfold and can add a bit of mystery and help you get into character when you have something to hide behind if you are not super confident.

They say the best foreplay starts after the last orgasm. Building anticipation with a sexy text message, a little snapchat of your costume (maybe the wig you plan to wear that night) can really have you looking forward to your evening. Men are visual creatures and women have reported to feel more sexually confident when they dress up or wear something sexy. It is a win-win for all parties!

Now that we have the costumes, its time to get to the play! Cosmo has put out a list of 8 Utterly Bewitching Halloween Sex Positions for you to try.

Titillating mummy

Have a sexy Thanksgiving!

It’s that time of the year again. The leaves have fallen, the air is crisper,  and the fall weather means  cute sweaters and big scarfs. Oh and don’t forget – my birthday! Thanksgiving is upon us once again and it’s one of my favourite holidays. No obligatory gifts, time spent with loved ones, dinners are open to anyone, and a time to give thanks for everything that you have in a world that has so much negativity. My family means everything to me and they support me in my journey to make a career out of teaching sexual health. First and foremost, I am thankful for my health. Health, to me,  is so important. I am blessed to be as healthy as I am and will do what I can to maintain that (that includes having regular sex!). I am thankful I have friends and family that encourage me to follow my passion. I am thankful for the opportunity to have graduated from the Options for Sexual Health Sexual Health Educator Certificate program in Vancouver, Canada. I am thankful the platform to be able to share my views, options and information on anything sexual. What are you thankful for?

In honour of Thanksgiving and starting the holiday season off right, I wanted to share 7 sex positions from Cosmo.

Talking about STIs without being a jerk

STIs can be an uncomfortable topic for most people. There is a lot of shame and embarrassment around them because of the stigma placed on those who have one. Yet many don’t realize how common they really are. Let’s back up a little and look at the word STI before we begin. Until recently, the term STDs was used to describe sexually transmitted diseases.  The word “disease” usually suggests a clear medical condition with some obvious signs or symptoms. However, many STIs do not have signs or symptoms or can have very mild ones that are often overlooked. So in the past few years the acronym was changed to STI and the “D” for disease and replaced with “I” for infection. This word more accurately depicts what it is, helps minimize stigma around these illnesses and are less harsh to talk about an infection opposed to a disease. Although the terms STD and STI can be used interchangeably and many still use the former, I believe its more accurate to use STI.

Just so you have an idea how much STIs are on the rise, according to Catie (Canada’s source for HIV and Hep C information): Chlamydia has increased 143%  in the number of reported cases of from 1997 to 2010.

Syphilis has had a  1200% increase in the rate of reported cases from 1997 to 2010.

Gonorrhea had a 124% increase in the number of reported cases of gonorrhea from 1997 to 2010.

Did you know that Herpes is one of the most common STIs?

According to smartsexresource.com Herpes simplex virus (HSV) is one of the most common STIs in Canada and worldwide. It is estimated that as many as 75% of sexually active men and women will have at least one HSV infection in their life time. Many of those people never had a symptom and are not aware that they have HSV. However, most bodies will clear the virus without treatment. I think if more people knew this information there would be a lot less negative feelings toward this STI.

STD info graphic 2

So we can see that STIs are rising at an alarming rate yet people are still embarrassed about them. Who here hasn’t had at least 1 cold in their lifetime? Let alone one almost every year or two? Colds are so common as bacterial and viruses are shared and passed around from one another all the time. That’s the same with STIs. We do not look down on those who have caught a cold and call them dirty. We need to  stop that negative association to those who have an STIs. STIs do not discriminate against age, race, sexual orientation or the number of sex partners you have. Someone could catch an STI after one sexual partner and someone with 50 might never catch one. We cannot assume that just because someone who has a healthy sexual appetite is someone who has an STI. Although there is a correlation on the chances of catching an STI with more sexual partners, it is not a causation.

There have been so many advances with technology and medicine these days to prevent, test and treat these infections. Almost all STIs can be cured except for  HIV but with effective treatment with antiretroviral drugs can control the virus so that people with HIV can enjoy healthy lives and reduce the risk of transmitting the virus to others. Herpes is another STI without a cure but the use of antiviral medication can lessen the severity of an outbreak, lower the chances of passing the virus to a partner and shorten the time it takes for a sore to heal.

The majority of the population thinks, “I don’t have any symptoms so I don’t have anything”. Well guess what? The number one symptom of STis is NO SYMPTOM at all! So if everyone is basing if they have something by looks alone they will never know! This is why testing is  important so you know if you are affected, can get treatment and  avoid infecting others. However, if you do get an STI (because we now know that most of us will) it’s NO BIG DEAL! It’s a common as getting a cold. Now that we know how common STIs are, what can we do to help reduce the shame, embarrassment and stigma around this subject?

The most common symptom of STIs is no symptom at all

I came across an article posted by an anonymous guest writer on thebodyisnotanapology.com who has herpes. She explains 6 ways to talk about STIs without being a jerk. I really love her point of view as someone who has a chronic STI over advise from health care professionals who come from a medical background and not from personal experience. This writer gives advice from the other side of someone who has been the butt of jokes and painted with the negative light associated with STIs. I think its a valuable read for everyone  on how we can do our part to normalize the discussion of STIs .

8 Stupid messages we teach our kids about sex

After John Oliver’s segment on the state of sex education in America, there have been a number of articles written about sex education and the lack of accurate information that is taught.

A friend posted this article on my Facebook from alternet.org called 8 Insanely Stupid Messages We Give Kids About Sex—And What We Should Teach Instead. Its a great read to reiterate the stuff we are teaching our kids that needs to stop. Like PV (penis in vagina) sex is the only sex. That is only true for heterosexual couples but as we know, there are a variety of sexual diversities in this world and we need to teach that to our youth so sex ed is valuable to everyone, even the ones who don’t and won’t engage in sex.

One of the first messages we tell kids is when mommy (or another female body) has a baby in her tummy.  Why we don’t tell them the truth (that she has a baby growing in her uterus) is beyond me.  This sets kids up for a lifetime of silly messages about sex because we don’t want to tell them the truth. We always dance around different ideas instead of telling them like it is. There would be so much less confusion if we did. Another example is how families have special names for their genitals like wee-wee/pee-pee, front bum, etc. If we treated our sex organs like the rest of our body parts there wouldn’t be so much shame and embarrassment. Addressing each part with its scientific name would reduce the number of giggles elementary and junior high students had when they hear the words “penis” and “vagina”. Did you ever notice that the song “head and shoulders” skips the entire genital region and jumps  from shoulders to knees?

When I grew up we had to learn about D.A.R.E. (Drug Abuse Resistance Education) because it gave us the skills needed to avoid drugs, gangs, violence and other unsafe behaviour. This program gave us information on different drugs, the risks and side affects of each. The result = less kids doing drugs! Isn’t that weird? By giving us the information and skills to make better decisions about drugs, there were less students doing them. This should be the same mentality with comprehensive sex education. Knowledge is power. The more kids know about sex and the risks involved, the longer they will hold off being sexually active and when they do they will use more effective contraception.

 

Are there any other insane messages not listed in the article that we teach our kids about sex?