Almost everyone and their dog has heard or seen the video of the Stampede threesome. If you haven’t I will break it down for you: On Sunday July 5, 2015 someone recorded a video of 1 female and 2 male engaging in a threesome in public without their consent. The picture and video went viral in a few hours and the female was identified shortly after.
Since then the female, Alexis Frulling, has spoken out about what happened, created a youtube page (that has over 1 million hits in a week), has been interviewed by a few radio stations and had a song written for her. Although there are people defending her actions or supporting her with the amount of slut shamming she has to deal with, there are way more people calling her a slut for what she was caught doing. Surprise, surprise! The men involved in the act have not been identified or barely mentioned (at least in a negative context) since it happened. If anything they are getting 5 highs from their peers and Alexis is getting hit up more than ever by guys wanting to get together with her because they think she will be an easy lay. Alexis has handled this attention the best of only two ways it could really go. She has owned and embraced what has happened, is not ashamed of it and is sticking up her middle finger to her haters. To me, this is a much better outcome than the other which, with the amount of slut shaming, could push someone to suicide because of the all the negative attention and cyber-bullying this viral video has received (just like Amanda Todd and Rehtaeh Parsons) .
There are a few perceived issues with this. For some, the fact that she engaged in a threesome is where the issue lies as this is why they are calling Alexis Frulling “a slut”. Yet for the men involved they get a high 5 and are praised for it. Another issue is the fact that this threesome was during the day, supposedly down at the Stampede grounds where families and kids could see. The final issue is how Alexis has dealt with it by capitalizing on the attention and doing interviews and guest appearances, creating a youtube channel for her “lovers and haters” and the fact she is owning her sexuality and her “no fucks given” attitude about the situation.
I have zero issues with three consenting adults engaging in any sexual act. There are many people who would agree with me. This act happened outside for the public to see which was rumoured to be at the Stampede grounds where thousands of visitors (including kids) go. I think the exact whereabout still needs to be confirmed so some of the negative nelly’s out there can back off her grill for it being where kids could have seen. What if it was in a back alley and there happened to be 1 person who walked by and saw and it just so happened that it was that ONE person who filmed and uploaded it. Sex happens all the time at lots of music festivals which are mostly outside. Just as vice.com pointed out in their article about this: who here has ever had sex with a friend? Who has ever had sex outside? Who has either had a threesome or fantasized about having one? I bet you can agree with at least one, if not two of these acts. Alexis just happened to do all three!
To me, the fact it was at a family festival outside during the day is where people have a lot of issues. What about the fact that there were three….yes THREE people stabbed at stampede ON THE MIDWAY where children definitely were? What if that was filmed and shared all over social media? Society has such an issue with sexuality but yet no problem if their kids see someone get their head blown off or violence on T.V. or in movies. How messed up is that? You can’t show a nipple in a PG movie but yet you can show someone being killed. We live in a world where we would much rather deal with seeing violence than sex in public. I don’t get it.
Yes, having a three some in broad daylight was probably not the best idea only because there is the risk that someone will see. However, for me the biggest issue is people slut-shaming the only female involved. First let’s define what that is. Slut-shaming is being labeled a sexually promiscuous girl or woman (a “slut”, “whore” or “ho”) and then being punished socially for possessing this identity. It’s what we call a women when we don’t approve or like the way she expresses her sexuality. Slut shaming is a sexist way to control women’s behaviour by making girls and women feel guilty for existing as a sexual being.
Slut-shaming is sexist because only girls and women are called to task for their sexuality, whether real or imagined; boys and men are congratulated for the exact same behavior. This is the essence of the sexual double standard: Boys will be boys, and girls will be sluts. Can you say DOUBLE STANDARD? This picture says it all:
This is exactly what we are seeing with the stampede threesome. I read hundreds of comments on various posts and pictures about the incident and I couldn’t find any negative comments about the males involved. They were engaging in the exact same act yet they do not receive any of the same negative energy. Slut-shaming has become normalized and omnipresent. With technology today slut-shaming is easier than ever to accomplish. Young men can take pictures of unconscious women with their phones and share it with friends or post to their social media accounts without the women’s consent. This is illegal in Canada. I have read too many stories of women hearing about their picture surfacing on social media from someone else. These pictures and/or videos have ruined some of the victims lives because of the slut-shaming that happened afterward. Their friends, families, and jobs have found out about this and the embarrassment and cyberbullying was too much for them to handle.
Slut-shaming is not only harmful because of the name-calling and being publicly identified itself can be traumatic which is proved in the number of slut-shamed suicides. Another reality that comes with labelling a woman as a “slut”, “whore”, or “ho” is she becomes a target for sexual assault. If she becomes sexually assaulted, there is a chance she might not be believed because she has been previously assigned the “slut”, “whore”, or “ho” label that rationalizes the crime and protects the assaulter. The number of unreported sexual assault crimes continue to rise because the victims do not want to come forward and risk not being believed. This is a problem! It doesn’t matter if someone has had sex once or 100 times, if there is no consent that is called sexual assault.
Slut-shaming in new aged sexism where men are expected to be sexually adventurous, and women are not. Women need to be able to embrace their sexuality and not be judged for it. For me, the issue is not of the actions that happened in the video, but the reactions as a result of it. It takes a lot of strength and and self confidence to own what you have been caught doing and Alexis did that and all the power to her. She is owning her sexuality and riding the wave and I think thats the best outcome we could see.
Here are some tips to stop sexual shaming:
1. Being sexual does not make you a bad person. A woman should not feel ashamed for sleeping with someone (or 2) in this case.
2. Having consensual sex with another adult (or two or more) is not wrong.
3. We do not need to sexually shame her.
Alexis, you were unfortunately the target of an online public sex act that has gone viral in a matter of days. I applaud you for how you have dealt with the negative attention and owned your shit. Sex is public is not a new thing especially at a music festival where it happens ALL the time ALL over the world. You just happened to be caught on camera and it spread like wildfire. Ride that wave, girl! Slut-shaming is real and it needs to be stopped.